A spiritual readjustment

Last Tuesday night was a very strange, frustrating, cool, amazing night. The only way I can describe it was I received a godly ass whuppin. I needed it and sooooo deserved it without even knowing it.

Funny how that works.

I can't describe the circumstances of where I was without giving a little back story. Several months ago I answered an ad on Craig's List looking for a Christian saxophone player. I ultimately hooked up with a man who is an amazing bass player who was trying to put a band together to play original jazz/funk/fusion music. He was able to get together a group of guys and we met a couple of times. These were all really good players and the potential of this group had my juices flowing. I was really excited about it. After a couple of weeks he just couldn't get any real commitments from the other players so he put the band on 'hiatus.' That's code for it wasn't going to work. I can't even say we broke up because it's like having one date, but not a second, with a pretty girl. You can't say you broke up, because there was never anything really there. Fast forward a couple of months to last week.

I received an e-mail from this guy and he's trying to put a band together again with different players (except me on saxophone) and we would have our first get together on Tuesday evening at 8:00. Well, that was a bit of a problem because I was scheduled to play for our Sunday service at my church this week and we rehearse on Tuesdays at 7:30. I told him I could be there but I would be late, probably about 9:00 or so. He said no problem come on out. Here's where it starts getting interesting.

It started with having a really exhausting day at work on Tuesday and I still had these two rehearsals yet to play. I was already tired when I got to the 7:30 rehearsal. Now I don't know about you, but when I'm tired I am not the most pleasant person to be around. I don't have any patience and worse, my mental filter which keeps me from saying things I shouldn't, gets frayed around the edges. Keep in mind we're rehearsing for a church service. The whole idea is to prepare music in a way that everyone that is in attendance on Sunday morning can draw nearer to God and worship Him. I've studied music my entire life and I have some pretty strong opinions about how to go about making good music, and if the music is not going well I can generally put my finger on what the problem is that would help make it better. In a lot of ways it's like a good mechanic. Now, the rehearsal is not going the way I think it should, I'm tired, cranky, my filter is not functioning at it's full capacity, and I'm not the leader of the group. You can probably guess what my demeanor was like. I'm not proud, I'm just telling it like it is. In addition to all this, I had another rehearsal to go play. Yea...

I got out of my first rehearsal with enough time to make it to the next one by about 9:00 like I had promised. However, this rehearsal was in a part of town I didn't know at all. I had printed out a MapQuest page of the address I was given but I still ended up doing multiple circles around the neighborhood. My mood was not improving at this point. After a couple of circuits around, I did find where I was supposed to be and went inside.

The building was an old warehouse that had been renovated into a church. As I entered and walked toward the sanctuary I heard a sermon being preached. Uh-oh, there was supposed to be a rehearsal going on, not a service. This wasn't in the plan. I was worried that I drove all the way out there for nothing. As I walked into the sanctuary there was about 50 people in the seats and 5 or 6 guys on stage holding instruments. As I moved in, the guitar player waved me up on stage to join them. Ok. It's 9:15 on a Tuesday night, what's going on?

What was going on was there was a week long revival event at this church during the evenings. I believe the individual who in the newly formed band (an attender at the church) thought the sanctuary would be available and we could meet there. He must not have checked. Anyway, here was a group of guys on the stage ready to play who had never played together before. We didn't even know each other's names. When the speaker was done with his fire and brimstone sermon he asked us to play something behind him as he prayed.

Oh my goodness. The keyboard player and the drummer broke out into a funky little groove and the rest of us just dove in. It was amazing. The pastor was praying and he had this ebb and flow to his rhythm. The band went right along rising and falling with the intensity of his voice. It just flowed. There was more to the service and we played a few other things and I was powerfully impacted by the experience.

I had expected this to be a first rehearsal where everything is a little timid, I'm a little nervous etc. Kind of like being at a party where you don't know anyone. What do you do? The musical equivalent of small talk until you find some common ground. Not this time, the Lord is at work, there are people watching, listening, and you have a microphone in front of you. I wasn't even the least bit nervous. I didn't know what was going to come out of my horn but I did now it wasn't for my benefit.

After this was over I was driving home in silence trying to emotionally digest the evening. I didn't have the radio on or anything, I was just thinking. I distincly remember this thought in my head 'you see, your music is for me.' This was delivered in a still small voice, but it hit me like a sledgehammer.

In one evening and 6 small words God had whupped my ass for my attitude and performance in my first rehearsal. Yet at the same time He turned around and gave me what I desired, more accurately what I craved, in the second.

I can't wait for Sunday morning.

A Long Time Coming

It's good to be back. I haven't written anything in a long time and for both of my loyal readers I apologize. My last post was back in January about the death of a co-workers spouse and I'm not sure I've felt as passionate about something since. Well, o.k. there have been a few things.

In May of 2009 I wrote a post titled 'Changed Forever' regarding my trip to the Dominican Republic. Last month I had the opportunity to go back for another week working with the Kids Alive ministry in Constanza, DR.

All of the details I wrote about in that post are certainly still true, but how it affected me was different. Since it was my second trip the shock value from the enormity of the need wasn't as strong and my reactions to what I was exposed were very different. I absolutely believe God is working on me through these experiences. I'm still sorting through some of it but here is what I've been thinking about.

Being surrounded by the severe poverty in Constanza makes me look inward, and this trip really has helped me sharpen the differentiation between true needs and wants. Real needs aren't dependent on geography, your stature in your community, your job, or your family. I'm talking about the stuff of basic survival. These needs might look a little different depending on where you are, but without them we are truly lost. In our society we have a whole bunch of wants masquerading around as needs and I believe God is telling me I need to improve my discernment between the two.

Secondly, I need to do a better job of helping my children to understand this as well. I must be more diligent in helping them create this discernment. This is REALLY hard, especially around Christmas time. We are constantly bombarded with false messages about what we really need, a certain brand of jeans, a certain type of computer, the latest makeup trend etc. etc.

Finally, I really feel there is a piece about relationships. I'm not sure where God is leading but I am still working on it and I'll leave that for another post. The next trip will be in July of 2011 and I hope to be able to go and possibly take my 17 year old son too.