Wondering What's Next

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Specifically about my music making. I firmly believe that God gives at least one special gift to every believer, I think mine is the ability to make music and help others draw nearer to Him through my gift. He has been working on me for quite some time now. I know in my heart that I need to be worshiping with my instrument. This quote from the movie Chariots of Fire character Eric Liddell speaks to how I feel "I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure." God gave me the gift of music and when I play I think He is pleased, and when I play in a worship setting I can feel God smile.

I realized a long time ago that I shouldn't be playing for my own benefit. The thrill was lost a long time ago. Don't get me wrong, I still get excited to play music and I love the feeling of making music with others. There is a special connection made between musicians as the music is being created that can't be explained in words. What I meant is the focus shifted from me to someone else. This is true whether I'm playing in secular setting with my cover band or in a worship setting. In my cover band it's all about the audience, did THEY like it? Were they entertained? It has nothing to do with whether I liked it or not. In praise and worship it's about God, were the people listening able to draw nearer to Him through my playing? I could be the greatest player in the world (which I'm not) but that's not part of the equation. However, being reasonably skilled makes the end results a little easier to achieve.

That being said, here is what I'm struggling with. As I said above I believe God is telling me to worship with my instrument. Over the last several years I have tried to get scheduled to participate more regularly in the worship service at my church to no avail. The question is do I go outside my home church to find places to play? I am cultivating some contacts around town and I could probably work them into playing almost every week somewhere. Is this what God wants me to do? Do I continue to try and work through my frustration at my home church? I don't feel I'm being called to be a leader, but certainly a willing participant.

I don't have any desire to leave my church. It has a ton to offer. My family and I are rooted there, we are plugged in and have awesome friends. What I really want is to be obedient to what God wants me to do and I'm having a hard time working through it right now.


Thanks for listening.