Image is...what? My Last Day as a Fat Guy

Today after church, a woman I respect immensely came up to me and said she wanted to tell me that I had been on her mind and she had been praying for me.

Let me give you a little background; her name is Donna and she is of my parent's generation. She is the mother of a man I respect immensely as well. Funny how that runs in the family. Anyway, Donna is a person who is an absolute prayer warrior. She knows all about our family issues and has been a foster parent for years so has plenty of understanding of the difficulties our family is enduring. Donna has been fervently praying for me and my family, and every time I see her she always has an easy smile, an encouraging word, and a hug.

I love this woman dearly and when Donna says she wants to speak to me, I want to listen. She has more integrity in her little finger than I could ever hope to have and I am wise enough to know when to sit down and shut up.

In one of my earlier posts I talked about the mission trip I took to the Dominican Republic, a week or so after I got back I was sharing about the trip in my sunday school class (my church calls them 'adult bible fellowships' or ABF's). During my informal presentation I made an off hand remark regarding something about my size because I am not a small man. I certainly don't remember what it was...I make lots of remarks like that. But she told me it hurt her that I talked that way about myself.

Today is July 5th, and the Sunday in question must have been the first Sunday in June, a month ago. Donna had been praying about this for a month. She is not a shy woman, if she thought the time was right she would have talked with me any Sunday during the past month or she could have picked up the phone and called.

She was concerned that I had lost touch with the fact that God loves me just the way I am. She reminded me that God made me the way I am and Christ lives inside of me. She's concerned that when I make light of who I am, it cheapens God. She is concerned for me, and I'm concerned she's right.

I don't need reminding of who God is and what He has done for me, or that Christ is living inside of me. I have that pretty well covered and I am secure in my faith, but 4+ paragraphs into this post I am finally getting to my point. Although the reminder never hurts.

I do make a lot of self-depracating, off hand comments about being a big guy and what fat guys do. I do it in a Louis Anderson sort of way. When I'm playing my saxophone I'll put the microphone stand directly in front of me and say something like "I keep it there so I can hide behind it." Or if it's mealtime you might hear "fat guy's gotta eat!" Occasionally if I have to squeeze by something I'll say "I'm not as skinny as I look." Here's an old one that comes up "I'm in shape...round is a shape." Why do I do that?

Just typing it makes me cringe. So here we are, nearly the exact middle of 2009 and I am declaring that today is my last day as a fat guy. No, I'm not having surgery tomorrow, nor going on a crash diet (I still like Garfield's line...'diet is die with a 'T'). In fact I'm not sure what it means other than the fat jokes are over. I'll put some brain power to it and post my intentions later when I can come up with something coherent.

Maybe if I start thinking differently about myself I will be happier in the long run and have a little more energy to actually do something.

I hope so.